About Me | Oracle Intimacy : Intimacy and Relationship Coaching w/Jessica Childs

Hi, I'm Jessica and I would have been a terrible relationship expert in my 30's.

I'll admit it. I come by my work honestly as a sort of last-ditch-effort to make sense of my life. I'd be happy to share the details if we ever meet, but the long and the short of it looks like this:

For the first portion of my life, I was living with anxiety, depression and a heap of attachment wounds. Not only was my day-to-day life filled with discomfort inside my own skin but on the outside, I was desperate for affirmation and groveling for connection. If you know me, you might say, "No way! That's not the Jessica I knew!" IYKYK...I was really good at masking.

Here are some of the ways I experienced "relationships" back then:

I fell hard over and over again for "exciting" people who kept my threat-level at a solid 5 or above.

I had a period of about a decade where sex was absolutely off the table unless I was somewhat inebriated.

I adopted all sorts of weird behaviors to try to get my relational needs met including manipulation, flat-out dishonesty, neediness and threat-escalation, but completely ignored the ways in which people were trying to meet my needs.

I could fight! Oh boy, could I. My faux adult was fully developed and could win an Oscar for how well I performed the grounded, sensible and intellectually superior party. And when that didn't work, more than once a person I held dear wound up with their belongings strewn across the yard because I was "throwing them out". I can laugh now but that was seriously dysfunctional!

For balance, this is what my relationships looks like now :

I know that sex is a life-affirming combination of emotional and physical connection and play, not a pre-determined set of activities that we must follow step-by-step.

I am not afraid to have difficult feelings or difficult conversations. I may not always do it perfectly, but I am confident that conflict is an opportunity to deepen safety, intimacy and connection.

I know what boundaries are and I know that they are not a choice. I know that my boundaries are essential to the safety of others as well as myself. I know how to feel more loved while some one is holding a boundary with me. And I know I can set boundaries without having to sever connection.

I bravely feel when I am activated and I choose the actions I take from that activation as opposed to mindlessly reacting to my feelings. Bonus! I can also track activation in others so we don't become a trigger vortex. Or if we do, we can re-establish connection from that whirlwind.

I know what what I desire from intimacy and relationships, both overall and on a moment-to-moment basis. And I know how to ask for it, I know how to receive it and I know how to feel my feelings of dissapointment when I don't get my needs met *perfectly*.

How did I go from having stressful, chaotic relationships to having the love and connection I only once dreamed of?

When I met Danielle and Celeste of the Somatica Institute, it was like a spring branch that grew precisely into my budding worldview. Attuning my senses to the connection, vulnerability and acceptance they embody has been truly a remarkable awakening and I have been a student of their unique program at the Somatica Institute since.

In the quiet of contemplation during Covid, I realized that some things that make it hard to have good relationships are deeply rooted into our psyches and require more patience, more dexterity and more body intelligence to unravel. That's when I was introduced to the profound work of Peter Levine and the model for trauma resolution he developed called Somatic Experiencing. Having completed their three year training, I am equipped to serve clients who have endured painful and hard to shake experiences of trauma.

My teachers are many. Here are a few:

Celeste Hirschman, M.A.
Danielle Harel, Ph.D.
Peter Levine, Ph.D.
Maureen Gallagher, Ph.D.
Kimberly Johnson, Sexological Bodyworker, SEP, RYT
Dave Berger, LCWS, SEP
Luis Mojica, SEP
Lisa Powers, Reiki Master

Professional and Academic Studies:

Somatica Institute
Academy of Creative Coaching
Natural Gourmet Institute of Health and Wellness
Bachelor Of Science, Neuroscience, Bard College
Somatic Experiencing
Reiki Level II

Personal areas of interest and study:

Yoga
Attachment Theory
Polyvagal Theory
Developmental Movement and Bio-Mechanics
Sci-Fi Anything
Dharma Studies

Jessica Childs CPC SEP

Relationship Coaching​